Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
