God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
you made out with another girl for some wings
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
