So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
