the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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