My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
