Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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