Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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