I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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