why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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