This is not my ceiling
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I have already put on my inside pants.
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