Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
