Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
