Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize