yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
