yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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