Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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