What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
