Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
