i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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