It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
