I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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