Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize