I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
