i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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