i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
