Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
