were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Randomize
