Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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