So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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