i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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