I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
How drunk are you?
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