Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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