Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
