She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
