Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I am naked and annoyed.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
