I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
