you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
