Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
