All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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