Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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