Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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