got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
