No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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