Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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