You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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