im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I AM VODKA MAN
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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