I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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