My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
