There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
