That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
