I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
