When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
