you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
