Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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