dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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