you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
