I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
