i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
