You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
