plz talk dirty to me
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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