i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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