I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
