Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
