You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
