I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
