whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
