i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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