I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
